God's Doors

A lot has happened over the last couple of weeks. I have remained silent to allow a lot to process. After August 2, 2016. My OB forgot about me. The busy office carried on. The comfort I received on that day vanished. (Except from the NP- who hugged me each time she saw me). The tests we requested (which were recommended by the dr) we were told were not run on her by mistake. So they ran a bunch on us. $$$$$$$. Only to find out the following week they actually were run... Our little Ava Rae, was perfect. No defects, no genetic or other known abnormalities. Last week was horrible. I received insensitive call after call, day after day. Like "Did you want to know the sex of the baby?" "Are you trying to get pregnant?" "Is this for fertility?" "I'm sorry your chart is everywhere, I didn't know what test result you wanted". I absolutely hated it.  I left the office after my post op visit feeling deflated. I sat in the waiting room with all the pregnant mommies for 1.5 hours. Only to be told when I got back. "I'm sorry, we weren't supposed to leave you out there. We should have had you back in a room sooner." Thanks for the thought? It was just too much during a tough point. The appointment didn't go well. The assurance wasn't there, and she just wanted more tests run on something that was physically hurting badly and not healing. 

Ben had enough. He was angry. I was passive and hurt. 

But as he always does, God opened a door. I had called to another provider and couldn't get a soon enough new patient appointment. I talked to a friend, and she told me of a Dr. with a smaller practice. I called and sure enough they had a new patient consult TUESDAY! I took it. It's nice to walk into an office and see a beautiful quaint waiting room with 8 beautiful chairs then it is seeing 30 full chairs. It's also nice to see a smile instead of a window. As I walked in 2 other people were there. I walked up and she asked, "Are you Sarah?". There was no long list of people and no kid standing there telling me about their new computer system asking if I had been there since they changed it each painful time I went in. Anyway. I saw her. And loved her. She actually looked and listened - 30 min straight. 

Turns out everything is actually fine. After some ultrasounds and non-evasive testing. I am fine. I just need time. I just need to be left alone to heal. No more tests, no more poking and prodding. Just heal. She explained what was "hit". Showed me and told me, that was what was hurting. Now. A weight has been lifted. I have no more tests to schedule. No more labs, no more consults. It's time to move forward and heal. No more obnoxious, insensitive, daily calling. 

I have learned. You don't have to go to the big pretty large offices. Sometimes a small, quaint, only 2 people in the front, who know you,  office is what you need. I saw some familiar faces and friendly. 

Much needed. 

Side note: We were given approval to try again in about 3 months. I am not mentally there yet. The outpouring of prayers and love has been amazing. Thank you all so much for the support. I needed it. 💗💗 So now for healing.