The after with my Village

For me writing is my therapy. Often times I feel like I can't make since of my thoughts and when I write them down it just makes sense. It's my way of understanding, feeling, and moving forward. I write for me. Yesterday was painful. I was incredibly vulnerable. I allowed myself that time to be that way. To cry and hurt. We are all different. God molded us different. And some just choose different ways to communicate. 

Yesterday I felt alone. Alienated to some extent. Ben as well. He felt "weird". But after I posted I was reassured by my "village" I was not alone. I found out my experience was similar to many others. It gave me a sense of "keeping it together". As each post came in, I read, I cried. People were real right back. But with each one I healed a little. And when Aubrey caught me with tears She would hide and jump out with her "scary" hands and go "ROARRR". "I scared you mommy right mommy? Yes? Yes, mommy?". To which I was forced to response "yes" each time with a smile. 

Each post took some of the sting out from yesterday. And each "ROAR" reminded me of Gods blessing. 

This morning I greeted myself again with tears as I read a response from the hospital. It was a real email. Not auto generated. I recognized the few who helped and provided feedback for those that didn't. I often find myself making excuses for others, so as normal I also did in this case.  I have no idea what the Dr was doing or dealing with. I know he was tired too. I have forgiven each for their part in my horrible morning. The lady for applying the latex tape or whatever that I informed I was allergic too, but she never cared to take note. I mean I have had several surgeries and delivered a baby at this hospital and it has remained the same. But it's fine. I was not in a "argumentative" mood. I couldn't, it hurt. And Today you can see the exact swollen spot where the tape went. It's ok. But she too was frustrated because even in an ER department she "couldn't find tape". I know the man who took my blood and made his word mixup probably didn't know how to overcome his wording blunder and for that I have compassion to understand that. He is not a spiteful person. He just chose the wrong words. As I have done before too. However the throw up bin girl will have to take some more praying from me. I will be honest. The bruises on my back from balancing are a reminder of her crappy service to me. I'm not perfect. Nor do I expect perfection. But I do expect compassion and of course keeping those awkward pail pink throw up bins for their common use. 

Yes. I post emotions "we aren't supposed to discuss". I post feelings that "are just too much". But what my form of communication does is it helps others to understand things better too. And again this showed. Several other had this same experience. It is nice to know you aren't alone. Thank you to my village for praying and holding me up these last 24-48 hours. ❤️ keep the prayers coming!