WelikeCAMPING-LEEisurely

Switching it up a bit. As "depressing" as I come across on my blog just remember writing is my therapy. Trust me I am not normally a walking disaster pit. Usually quite the opposite. Which is why most don't know anything is wrong. Anyway. Moving forward. 

CAMPING!!! 

I got several messages about it. With several interested in going, just not sure what to do. So let me preface this. We are NOT pros and although we may appear to be, we have only gone 3 times. BUT I can share what we have learned. Must have items etc. 

Our first trip we went with our church small group. I would recommend any first timers to go with a group or someone else. That way you have someone else there to "help". We always have an open invitation for people wanting to come. We went to Bouga Chitta State Park. (Currently closed due to storm and damages). But their primitive camping site was "out there". If you just want to be in the middle of the woods head out there. Yes they have a play area, bathrooms, etc but it's a driving distance. We borrowed a tent and had NO (I repeat) NO supplies besides hot dogs and smore stuff. I monogrammed the girls sweatshirts though!!! It was FREEZING but we enjoyed it. 

Our next trip we purchased a tent. It's an 8 person and perfect for us. This time we went with my parents. They had the gear. I completely under packed clothes and forgot socks for all.  We went to Buccaneer State Park and planned to stay 2 nights but just stayed one. It was a great locations the park was nice. The bathrooms were a drive away. BUT we ended up right by a train track that a train passed on every 3-4 hours.... Nothing like the feel of the ground rumbling. We also didn't sleep well. I didn't really feel "safe" considering there was a public road close by. This time we brought the girls "baby potty" for them to use. It comes with us now. Adelyn was determined a bear was going to get her while she pottied. 

After that trip we wanted another. Oddly enough. I found Gulf State Park. I went on a whim and reserved two nights. We invited several people but as time came close it ended up just us. I completely overpacked however this was to avoid an under packing issue. We also had an over abundance of socks. The weather was anywhere between 40-80 degrees with rain in the forecast.  So packing was more "complex". For Christmas, we got supplies. Tables, egg holder, pokers, sandwhich makers, skillets, lamps, lights, lanterns etc. We still used my dads 30 year old stove. We had it all. (And FYI, it's not expensive stuff). We loaded up bikes and has no idea what we were getting into. This park was exactly what we wanted.  But, not everything goes as planned. The second night the stove broke, and we ran out of firewood (the park also ran out). So we ended up at Pizza Hut! So to be close for the "in cases" is nice. 

Breakdown of parks we have visited for camping with young kids. 

Bouga Chitto- very primitive, not close to others, bathroom/showers are far away. There is a park, but tough to get to. 

Buccaneer- nice but make sure your not by the tracks. Go when the wave pool is open. 

Gulf State Park- has it all. The main thing the park is HUGE. But the camp sight area is ONLY for campers. So traffic flow is restricted. Bathrooms are roughly about every .25 miles. So it's a quick walk.  It is well lite, so you don't feel completely "out there". And while it has "primitive" camping you aren't completely secluded. Which I prefer with little ones. We had trees surrounding us, but as we made it down our gravel driveway it opened up to other large camp sights. Has TONS of activities for little ones and kids of all ages. 

Questions I have received:

I can't get passed the bugs, they have to be everywhere. Not really. We wear off mosquito and tick repellent. This last trip it was only needed when we went for walks. The tent stays zipped up at all times. 

I don't do snakes. Neither does Ben. He almost stepped on an already dead pigmy rattle snake when walking on the road. As we were leaving we saw a corn snake. For the most part they stay away. We look out and I check out under things before playtime ensues. (I do this same thing at home). But it's not a snake free for all out there constantly. You just have to be mindful of your locations. I looked up snakes types for our area. Yes, there were rattlesnakes in an area we went walking on (Gulf state park). I had an encounter with one beforehand when Ben and I used to ride trials on bikes. They normally don't just go biting you. Anyway. It's important to know your surroundings. But we used this as a learning opportunity. Had we not had this lesson this week, Aubrey would have wanted to pick up and pet every snake 😳. Yes she talked to the dead rattle snake. "You dead? It's ok". 😂😂 

I don't like the outdoors. Then camping may not be your thing. BUT if a Mom from Chicago, which 6 kids (5 boys), whom has never been camping in her life drives 16 hours to go camping, you can do it. 

Where do I start? Just like we did. Borrow a tent. Go with some folks who have gear. And see if it's your thing. That's it. If you don't like it, pack it up and go home. You will likely just be out about $20 if that. 

What do I pack? This list can be rather difficult or simple. There are several websites with basics. My reasonings for things may be different then yours. I start with figuring out meals first. Hot dogs, grilled cheese, borittos, quesadillas, or most recently favorite the lunchables. Then look at weather and pack accordingly. I also look at activities planned. Pack those needs. But be prepared for mishaps. Make sure there are other food sources available. I mean this isn't "Naked and Afraid" and we aren't spending 21 days in the wildnerness with no food. Cool it. Your sleeping in a tent in a city LOL! 

What do you sleep on? Pine straw. Just kidding. We have tried air mattresses and they didn't work for us. We bring a down comforter (old) and have sleeping bags laid out. It's pretty comfy. Our next purchase is just a mat to lay down. We recently purchased a $14 tent fan that runs off batteries and it was fantastic. Ben and I have 2 sleeping bags that were gifted to us. They are VERY nice. We started out with 2 Disney frozen ones for the girls. But recently upgraded theirs for a lower temperature rating. It just depends on when, where, and what your preference is. I mean pine straw may be your thing! 

I have to shower. That's great. Go take one. If you are fearful of the communal shower, then you must have never taken a shower in a dorm LOL! You can also get a little portable shower. They are inexpensive. Bring flip flops. And if all of the above scare you find a pool and jump in!! 

There were other questions too, but I have typed a novel. In short, the experience that camping brings can be good. It teaches a lot and brings a family closer. There is no perfect list. We played card games, guess who, board games etc. If you ask the girls they won't stop talking about it. Aubrey will talk about the snakes and rabbits and Addi will talk about the beach ❤️ But both are ready for our next adventure. So come with us!!! 

The after with my Village

For me writing is my therapy. Often times I feel like I can't make since of my thoughts and when I write them down it just makes sense. It's my way of understanding, feeling, and moving forward. I write for me. Yesterday was painful. I was incredibly vulnerable. I allowed myself that time to be that way. To cry and hurt. We are all different. God molded us different. And some just choose different ways to communicate. 

Yesterday I felt alone. Alienated to some extent. Ben as well. He felt "weird". But after I posted I was reassured by my "village" I was not alone. I found out my experience was similar to many others. It gave me a sense of "keeping it together". As each post came in, I read, I cried. People were real right back. But with each one I healed a little. And when Aubrey caught me with tears She would hide and jump out with her "scary" hands and go "ROARRR". "I scared you mommy right mommy? Yes? Yes, mommy?". To which I was forced to response "yes" each time with a smile. 

Each post took some of the sting out from yesterday. And each "ROAR" reminded me of Gods blessing. 

This morning I greeted myself again with tears as I read a response from the hospital. It was a real email. Not auto generated. I recognized the few who helped and provided feedback for those that didn't. I often find myself making excuses for others, so as normal I also did in this case.  I have no idea what the Dr was doing or dealing with. I know he was tired too. I have forgiven each for their part in my horrible morning. The lady for applying the latex tape or whatever that I informed I was allergic too, but she never cared to take note. I mean I have had several surgeries and delivered a baby at this hospital and it has remained the same. But it's fine. I was not in a "argumentative" mood. I couldn't, it hurt. And Today you can see the exact swollen spot where the tape went. It's ok. But she too was frustrated because even in an ER department she "couldn't find tape". I know the man who took my blood and made his word mixup probably didn't know how to overcome his wording blunder and for that I have compassion to understand that. He is not a spiteful person. He just chose the wrong words. As I have done before too. However the throw up bin girl will have to take some more praying from me. I will be honest. The bruises on my back from balancing are a reminder of her crappy service to me. I'm not perfect. Nor do I expect perfection. But I do expect compassion and of course keeping those awkward pail pink throw up bins for their common use. 

Yes. I post emotions "we aren't supposed to discuss". I post feelings that "are just too much". But what my form of communication does is it helps others to understand things better too. And again this showed. Several other had this same experience. It is nice to know you aren't alone. Thank you to my village for praying and holding me up these last 24-48 hours. ❤️ keep the prayers coming! 

Six Weeks

This one will be tough to read for some. If you dont like feelings, rawness, vulnerability, you may stop here.

6 weeks. I was pregnant for 6 weeks, well 5 weeks and 6 days. That came crashing down early this morning.

Let me continue.

I woke up in a blur. It hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I sank further and further. Sitting by myself in the bathroom. I just cried. Its all I could do to hold myself up.

A couple hours passed, and pain set in. Mental and physical. The physical pain had kept me up all night. I have experienced significant abdominal pain, but this was very much different. 

Ben and I went to the ER.

First, the world has not become "sensitive" we have lost "compassion".  I will leave the name of the hospital out of this. The Dr. was rude. Commenting "ONLY" 6 weeks. His words were harsh (even harsh for tough Ben). His expression was closed, and his compassion didn't exist. He made several comments as if my pregnancy didn't exist anyway. He even went as far as to say, well maybe you are just really irregular.

Yes, ONLY 6 weeks. ONLY 6 weeks after trying for 2 years since our last miscarriage. ONLY 6 weeks pregnant after fearing I would never get pregnant again. ONLY 6 weeks after taking 5 pregnancy tests at different times to confirm. Only 6 weeks after no period for 2 weeks; the one that is NEVER late. We experienced joy, excitement, nervousness, and now immense sadness  in that short period. For him to just wash it away with his flakey words. 

I looked down at the ground, with my hands on my face praying, and praying. It was all I could do to keep myself from slapping the mess out of him.

A nurse came in, and they were busy, unorganized, and all over the place. Which I can understand to a degree. They drew blood. The guy drawing the blood says, "Oh Congrats, did you know you were expecting?" Only for me to reply. "No, I am having a miscarriage". It hit me, I cried. Uncontrollably. He never apologized, he patted my back, and walked off. I saw Ben out of the corner of my eye, his mouth dropped.

After several other encounters with compassion-less medical staff, in walked a wonderful RN. She saw my pain. She saw the hurt. And at that point she made me feel like a person. She cared. She explained. She showed compassion. I was met with a pregnant ultrasound tech, who showed compassion. Who sympathized, and cared. She explained my HCG levels just never made it to where they needed to be. (Something no one did up until this point). 

Then the young lady who did my pelvic exam. She asked me to prop my butt up on a throw-up bin, while she mashed on my stomach, I am SURE that is not proper procedure. I was already in immense pain, and I am positive "Prop patient up on small, hard, plastic bin for vaginal pelvic exam" is no where in a manual of ANY type. As if I already didnt feel awkward, weird, crappy enough. AND I am sure she never looked at my chart to find out where, why, what I was in there for, before discussing with me. Her comment would be TMI. However considering the amount of pain, and balancing act of laying on a plastic bin, I was unable to maneuver to kick her. 

To those two ladies who did help, thank you. To the other 5 who were in and out of my room, I will pray for you.

Walking in the hospital, was hard enough. I kept asking "how am I here?". When I had to pee in a cup I thought to myself "I shouldn't be doing this". "Is this really happening......again". For some reason I felt dirty. This was the best way to describe it. I walked in a daze. I am now back in my bed, typing this. Hoping to heal soon. Praying. It's all I have. Tomorrow morning I will wake up. A little emptier. But I will trust that God has his hand on me pushing me one step further. Today he is allowing me to cry, feel, and hurt. He hasn't left my side. 

We would appreciate prayers of comfort right now. Yes it was only 6 weeks. But for that short time we were excited. ❤️