Motherhood

I often get messages from moms(and dads)  about help. Either I have gone through something or they want my two cents. I have my beliefs on what works. I do not and will not put down another. I'm a no judge zone. Now. I will be honest I have some hinges that come loose on occasion. Especially hearing babies scream. That's tough for this warm and cuddly mommy. Either way. Glad you are here to listen to me ramble. 

I am not a Doctor, Scientist, Nurse, there is no PhD, or well earned initials following my name. I am a Mom. I do not claim any stardems, I have no advanced background to compare to another. I am a mom. A Momx2. Would love to be a x3 but God is showing different plans. My point. I'm not that special.

But I am very special to two precious girls who rely heavily on my awful judgment. 

That's how we mostly feel as Moms right? Like everything we do is wrong? We question every decision? We have sleepless nights wondering if the choice we made was right. Do I vaccinate, or don't I? Do I combine all the vaccines because there is like 4 shots at a time, or do them separate? Flu shot or not? Do I use antibiotics for ear infections or not? Do I breastfeed or not? Can I breastfeed in public? What about after 1? What formula do I use or how about soy? Do I wear my baby or is that too much connection? Do I let them cry it out or not? Nunu? Bottles? Co sleeping, family bed, or kid in own bed?  Huggies, Luvs, pampers, cloth, Walmart brand??? Do I need a swing or bouncer? To Feber or not, what about baby wise? The list can go on for days (more like the rest of their life).

Then to throw salt in the wound of a mom especially a first time mom, someone who may have answered yes to a question you chose no to, is judging you for the action you made or didn't make. Wow. So your basically telling me I screwed up this mom thing? 

Someone is sharing a post of how inadequate you are for having a cesarean section because you are less then a woman and mother then the one who went all natural. 

Wow. (And that article totally did surface)

My point. As glorifying and wonderfully rewarding being a parent is, it is baffling. It is scary. It is nerve racking. It will make you grow gray hair. It will make you cry. Most importantly it will make you feel completely inadequate at times. And when you want to make an excellent decision, you question your judgment.

There are hopeless nights of dealing with a sick child when you can't do anything,  to take it away. Coupled with a day you feel like you hung the moon!!!! Talk about a bipolar day. 

You may have moments when your child becomes violently ill after EVERY time of receiving a vaccine. You question. You ask yourself, what did I do wrong. You hold the guilt. But then you read an article about an infant who passed away because of whooping cough. So tragic and tough. You weep for that mother only to question yourself yet again. 

When your kids medicine isn't working for something you question. What else is there. How can I fix this? What can I do. And you turn over every rock that can be turned. You become "the crazy mom" and call everyone you can possibly call. You pull out everything. Nothing gets in your way. Nothing stops you. And still you feel.... It's not enough. 

There are moments as you are holding your kids head over a toilet watching them sick and you can't.do.a.thing.  Or your holding them because they haven't figured out how to vomit over the toilet so you stand there until they stop. Covering you both. But you don't care you just  want to take it and would gladly step up to the porcelien god for them.....but you can't. 

Moments of seeing your beloved child in a hospital hooked up to machines and you feel everything falling. And you blame it on you. Because of your judgment call. 

There are nights of endless crying that you cry too because you have no idea what to do. 

It's a mothers constant instinct to question. But it's God will. And through all of the guilt stricken, awful judgment calls we make. God is there for support. He knows yours heart and knows your struggles. 

I am a baby snuggler all night holder, attachment, breastfed 1 and formula fed the other, come lay in mommies bed, milk after 12 months, Nunu at almost 4, essential oil, momma. And I am proud of it. 

Motherhood is tough enough. And if we could all just be there for each other it would be a heck of a lot easier. So the next time you want to blast out an I'm a better mommy then you.....understand. It's one heck of a ride. And God picked each of us as parents of our precious children for a reason. So allow yourself to be the best parent you can be! 

Happy Birthday Addi Rose!

As her birthday comes closer. I am not ready to watch this girl turn 6. Nothing about Adelyn has been on time, predictable, or calm. Which are very much her traits. Many of you have heard her story and my pregnancy with her, while others not. The blog post is still around (somewhere) and I share it from time to time. It too has helped many moms to find calming and understanding when faced with similar situations. I look back now and think. That is Addi. To a tee. Unpredictable. Strong. Tough. Stubborn. But always shows a glimmer of hope, love, and calmness when moments get crazy. Her sense of pushing limits and testing rules. Her mischievous listening skills that may not be like I asked, but she ends up with the same result I ask. She is smart and will conquer mountains. She is tough and can stare any challenge in the face.  She has her own style and does things at her own pace. If you ask something of her that she doesn't want to do, you will get a sluggish return, but if you make it challenging for her she will do it bigger and better then expected. She doesn't take easy roads. 

She is the first to call me Mommy. She showed me what unconditional, unrelenting, unselfish love was like on this side of heaven.  She coined the phrase "a kiss and a hug". Up until this year yellow was "lello". She has a quirky style and it makes me nervous when she dresses herself. She is as smart as a whip and should you question her antics you need to be ready and prepared for an interrogation. Scratch that. You always need to be ready for an interrogation. Even if your folding clothes. She can fold a sheet better then an adult, and can make a bed complete with throw pillows and dolls better then I can. She talks non-stop and her wheels are always spinning. She makes Ben and I nervous because she aims to please, and her heart gets broken easily when she knows she may not have or hurt someone's feelings. As a parent that's a tough pill to swallow. But hopefully we can protect her heart while we can. She loves God and regularly reads her bible. She talks to him and loves saying prayers. She is a pro at saying grace for meals and often reminds me of Clark's grandmother at Christmas singing the star spangled banner (this is a Christmas Vacation Reference), since she will more then likely end up singing another song to Him during grace. She loves to go to church and it's amazing to see Him in her. 

To my little spitfire. Happy Birthday (in 2 days) Mommy loves you. I can't believe you will be 6. It just doesn't seem real. I love you!